We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We're too hungover to prance.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
