I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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