I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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