so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
