Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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