were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
