we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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