at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
