I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
