He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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