He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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