mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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