People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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