Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
