if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Couch. On fire.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize