I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
