She said her name was "party"
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
