he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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