I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
