420 ftw
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
