We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We are all done wearing pants today
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize