I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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