so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
