bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we're making bets on your personal life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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