does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
