How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
