Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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