the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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