Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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