I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
