guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
