A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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