So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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