the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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