just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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