Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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