i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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