i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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