i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
