I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
