I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
