i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
