I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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