It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
