I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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