Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
