4 words: hood of his car
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
