Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
