New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
