I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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