idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
