i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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