wanna go halves on a baby?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A+ Viking dick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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