...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i barfeds in our rink
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
