I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
