Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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