Welp...herpes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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