I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
