Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
