I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
