I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
