So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
