I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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