i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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