...so i touched it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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