I love black thongs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
True strength comes from lack of pants
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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