I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
