What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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