I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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