I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
