Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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