I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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