Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
