I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
