Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's never too late to be topless.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
