Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
