Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
